Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
