proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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