Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
