Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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