If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
