Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
