you guys were way drunker than both of me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
