Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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