Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk is a universal language darling
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