You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
