dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
