So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
