i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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