I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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