she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i think i just lost a toe
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
