We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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