Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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