You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
