My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
