shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
