dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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