my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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