new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
