I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
