The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They took my balls.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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