I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Houston, we have a squirter
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
