I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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