____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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