and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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