dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
