feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
