I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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