She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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