so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
