my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
