What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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