Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
