Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize