I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
