I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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