woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i drank out of a bidet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thank you for not boning my boss.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
