she woke up with a sticky ear
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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