Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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