Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
