I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
