im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
