what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize