dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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