my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize