I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
