do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
nutella sex= disaster
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
