So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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