I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
