Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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