it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
