I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
