the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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