i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
