My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize