Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize