areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
