Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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