the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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