We won't sleep together?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
