there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
