why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
