I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
