The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
