Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
