If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
