Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
jump out the window naked night went bad
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
